“Jesus Christ, MY LIPS.”
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- The Dolly Parton slot machine is immediately recognizable while walking the casino floor, as Dolly’s signature is emblazoned on the top of each unit, along with her trademark butterfly symbol. The machines themselves are clad in hot pink coloring, once again incorporating Dolly Parton.
- Dolly Parton fans in Las Vegas can soon try their luck with the country queen's new signature slot machines. The new venture will be unveiled at the Global Gaming Expo in Sin City next month (12.
International Game Technology PLC, formerly Gtech S.p.A. And Lottomatica S.p.A., is a multinational gaming company that produces slot machines and other gaming technology.
Hit me!” or even “I’ll take the third prostitute on the left.” But bitching about the desert air’s effect on my face? THAT I could get with. Also, “Jesus Christ, MY HAIR.” (Ungodly static situation in that locale.)Needless to say, Vegas and I were not immediate friends, though initially, she seemed like she had her shit together. After stepping off the plane and searching for my luggage, the 37 high definition television monitors had already convinced me I wanted spend New Years in a douche-tastic asylum with DJ roadkILL or Captain Hot Spins (IDK). Also, that my friends and I had been wasting our lives because we had not yet gathered around a craps table and laugh-screamed at a crowd of strangers who were super-duper excited for our perceived awesome luck. MARKETING SCORE: A+
Tell me about it, lips.
Though there for a work conference, we spent our evenings exploring the strip. I had amazing food served by extremely attractive and charismatic waiters, and deeply enjoyed staring at the Bellagio Fountain while “Your Song” by Elton John played. I quickly understood why so many people get regrettably married in Las Vegas. Between the lights and the fountains and the pillars and Elton John, I felt like I was secretly in a romantic comedy where I get accidentally shoved in the Bellagio Fountain by an irritated workaholic from New York who is talking on a cell phone about how marriage is for the weak. “Elton John should be used to interrogate war criminals!” workaholic yells, bumping into me as I plunge into the water. We get married one week later (and “The Bitch Is Back” plays on the end credits). This is actually a scenario that would give me hives in Real Life, so one can imagine what Vegas Life could do to a person’s “great idea” barometer.
I’d always thought the Bellagio Fountain was a gaudy prop made for Oceans 11 and I am not kidding.
Walking down the strip, through electric casinos and past numerous Denny’s, everyone appeared hungry for something. Money, sex, Denny’s pancakes. On our last evening we stopped at a bar called CARNIVAL where 60 year-old women swerved around to Bell Biv Devoe and husbands with naked cartoon characters on their shirts watched them. Men who looked as though they’d just been kicked out of a disenfranchised trucker bar in the third ring of hell leered and approached our small and vaguely uncomfortable group.
RIP BELL BIV DEVOE.
Intoxicated Demon Man: You want to dance?
Co-Worker 1: No.
IDM: You want to dance?
Co-worker 2: No.
IDM: What about you-?
Me: NO.
I was consistently asked third, and let’s be honest, consistently offended. WHY DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME THE THIRD MOST, HELL TRUCKERS? BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE IS SHOVING PINS IN MY LEFT THIGH AND PULLING MY HAIR? OK, GOOD POINT. After roughly 40 minutes of this, I bid good evening to everyone in the bar that was CARNIVAL and walked back to my hotel alone.
The incredible hunger of the city was deafening, and saddening me. Everyone seemed to be reaching for the same glistening dollar bill, and where the fuck was the dollar bill?
“This place is bullshit!” I told my mother on the phone. “These people are not getting what they’re paying for. They’re not getting anything but more broke, and I HATE ALL OF IT.” My mother then reminded me that just because the idea of gambling gives me anxiety does not mean it gives everyone anxiety. And that it’s about the thrill of the risk. Risk. Once a dirty word to me, as an adult I’m beginning to understand the value of risk (and the consequences of the refusal to take one).
Every time we submit a resume, or move to a new country, or talk to that girl across the party, we’re asking for more – just a little more – than what we already have. And asking, and taking, and trying is always a risk. Wanting something is a risk, and these souls sitting in front of singing slot machines, pulling silver levers into the morning hours, aren’t doing anything but wanting out loud. I may not fully understand it, but I would do well to learn a little from it.
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When our plane landed at BWI I was numbingly happy to be home, but wished I had given Las Vegas more of a shot. Talked to a few strangers, kissed the Chewbacca street performer on his hairy cheek, danced with the sweaty trucker-
Wait, nope, too far.
Las Vegas, you may have chapped the shit out of my lips and thrown me too many cards with stripper photos on them, but you’re ok, and I’ll try to be just a little more like you.*
*WITHIN REASON
** No Disrespect, Lady Parton.
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